My awakening began in 2020 when God ripped my soul open. It started with shock and quickly moved into lamenting; then, I went to work. I had a LOT of catching up to do.

“I grieve my silence and complacency when it comes to racial injustice. The way our country has treated black and brown people is shameful and yet, somehow I was content to let that unfold around me for many many years.

The more I learn, the more I realize there is no bottom to this mess.

It was past time for me to come out of the comfortable shadows and push back when I see injustice – Especially as a Follower of Jesus in the Christian church.”

Michael Bunch, 2020 (updated 2024)

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Quick Links:

The resources in the link below are things I read (or listened to on Audible), watched or went to personaly. I make this note to convey that this is not just me harvesting links online and displaying them. Each of these resources was instrumental in shaping my growth and filling out understanding of this topic. I do not want a cookie (slang for seeking affirmation).

My reward has been several new relationships with people of color and countless wonderful conversations; deep discussions which were both good and hard. All the hours were so worth it!!!!

“Becoming who you want to be is priceless.”

[ Race and Justice Resources ]

[ History I wasn’t taught ]

A Plea for White People

This video was made by my friend Brian Ingram as the events of 2020 were unfolding. Brian was one my few black friends at this time and was gracious to spend time with me in discussions as we processed through what was happening in our country.

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My Story begins in the Mississippi Delta

No one has a choice over the color of their skin or where they grow up. These are our circumstances and our beginning. Our lives then become a series of responses and decisions based on the cards we were dealt and the faith we have.

I grew up in Greenwood MS. The flat fertile farmlands of the Mississippi River Delta. This self-proclaimed “Cotton Capital of the World” was also ground zero for several pivotal racial issues. Greenwood is just 10 miles south of Money, Ms where Emmett Till was murdered.

This is where I grew up and it was all I knew. It was the 1960’s and 1970’s. I can’t remember all that was going on then but I do remember making a conscious decision at some point to prove that I was not going to be racist.

Part of the movie “The Help” was filmed in my hometown. Much of it feels accurate and rings true to what I remember. It was common to see black people treated with suspicion, harshness and/or condescension. Treated as “less than” for sure. The pressure was intense and even the white folks who wanted to treat minorities with kindness and compassion understood the unwritten social boundaries and the cost of going too far. The Help plays all of this out.

Later, Season One of Women of the Movement would be filmed here as well.

Going to School

School was the first time I specifically remember racial issues surface on a large scale. Mississippi schools were the last holdout when it came to integrated schools. It was a battleground. A new school was created in 1966 in my hometown and that is where I was to go when it came time. There was only one problem – my grandmother was the only first grade teacher at the school and my family wanted to avoid any partiality issues. So I went to public school for first grade near my house. I don’t recall any racial issues in first grade but I vividly remember getting bullied.

The balance of my time was spent at Pillow Academy. << Interesting description of my school on Wikipedia. I read this today and think… wow, ok. This was my reality; my educational and social context.

Here is one last link. Education segregation in the Mississippi Delta

Back in those days

Segregation was ANYTHING BUT “Separate but Equal”. Attitudes did not change with the end of the Civil War. In fact, the South just shifted strategies and sought to reverse the changes allowed by emancipation – culminating with the negotiated election of President Hayes coupled with the removal of federal enforcement troops from the South. Black people were left stranded and surrounded by white supremacists.

There are only a few things I remember about my grandfather’s funeral. One was saying over and over again “its just too hard”. He was one of my heroes; someone who asked me about my life and listened. The other thing I remember were the brave faces of two men I knew – John Hoskins and Weldon “Mac” McSwine. Both were black gentlemen who worked for my grandfather. I can still see them standing there in a sea of white people – humbly paying their respects. It touched my heart deeply that they pushed through the awkwardness to show up; I will never forget it.

Conservative Cruise Control

Cruise Control is only way I have found to describe it. I was just doing my life. Not Racist; but not Anti-Racist. My relationships were organicly white. I had what I needed to get what I wanted… I did not feel like I needed relationships with people of color.

The result? I had not gone to any effort to truly relate to the pain of my brothers and sisters with black and brown skin. I did not make any real effort to understand the constant suspicion they experience; the daily slights. The fear when they see a police car. It wasn’t malicious – it was just uninterested. I was too busy with other priorities. As you will see below, Jesus was not satisfied with that… He had a TON of homework for me to do.

Key Racial Events

• Feb 26, 2012 – Trevon Martin is shot by George Zimmerman in Sanford, FL. My reaction is neutral and uninvolved. Seemed like an overreaction by a security guard though. Today, my detachment is disturbing. Then, the situation was off in the distance. I assumed there was more to the story.

• July 17, 2014 – Eric Garner is dies from suffocation in a choke hold during an encounter with police in Staten Island, NY. I saw that video. It seemed like the cop’s desire to prove a point went too far.

• August 9, 2014 – Michael Brown is shot by police is Ferguson, MO. I remember watching the video and the news thinking – he was in the middle of the street with his hands up… why shoot him? Then, later I see him sass the clerk at the convenience store and I begin to feel some kinda way. Easy to judge from a distance… Playing God is a dangerous game.

• Sept 1, 2016 – Colin Kaepernick kneels before a road game against the Chargers and says he will donate $1m to charities that support his aims. I did not know this at the time. I did not care enough to even dig into it. My initial reaction was “troublemaker” and I got irritated. Then, I got offended – siding with the flag and the fact that he was “insulting the military” narrative. I just wanted to watch a football game – I did not want to be bothered with Colin’s causes. Today, I see that as total white privilege but at the time, its was irritating given my frame of reference. Ugh!

The Tipping Point – My Story takes Turn

The only answer I can offer for “why now?” is that a world-wide pandemic slowed everything down enough for me to lift my head up out of my self-absorbed quest for success. COVID 19 confronted us with something we could not plan our way around. It was deadly and showed us a human race that there is something that can get to us regardless of how well we manage our lives. It was sobering.

The pandemic shut-down also provided some crucial emotional and spiritual space time for much needed change to occur. I could easily be crippled by guilt over why this revelation took so long but that does no one any good. I was genuinely convicted. There was SO much work to do. So much to learn. It was time to go to work! I now refer to the depth of my ignorance as a chasm and the level of racial injustices as a bottomless abyss.

I’ve been shaken at my ignorance but at the same time so grateful for what I’m learning now. My prayer is that eyes, ears, hearts and minds are opened to receive truth that has been hidden for far too long and that our hearts break for what breaks God’s heart. May justice, humility, repentance, reconciliation and unity be our inheritance and reward moving forward. ❤️

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2020

• Feb 23, 2020 – Ahmaud Arbery is shot and killed from a shotgun blast in Brunswick, GA around 1:00 pm Eastern time. Its not on the news plus I quit watching the news anyway, so I don’t notice.

• Mar 13, 2020 – Breonna Taylor is shot and killed as a result of a no-knock warrant in Louisville, KY. I am in my white bubble and don’t even read about this incident. I have since done some research and am stuck in the mess. Supposedly a car she rented ended up with a dead body in it. My natural “justice” bent assumes she made bad choices to hang out with the wrong people and probably got herself into trouble. For me, is not a huge leap to land on the “personal responsibility” angle. Ugh! STILL, no reason for police to come in guns ablaze and shoot someone who is not in the act of committing a crime or even a threat. Could be an unfortunate incident? I need to shut up on this one because I really have no clue. But this is what swirls when her incident comes up.

• April, 2020 – Watched Just Mercy and The Banker.

I learned about Just Mercy from a friend of mine. The events are based in Evergreen, AL. They had a speed trap there. It went from 55 to 45 to 35 really quickly… I was afraid of that. Little did I know, that was just the tip of the iceberg. This one was SO hard to watch! But even harder to believe that the sheriff involved here was re-elected 6 times after all of this?!?!?! Just Mercy was right out gut-wrenching. And, it was based on a true story in 1986; I had just graduated college. An innocent man was railroaded into a conviction and went to jail and was almost executed… Sadly, this story and many like it prejudice my view of small town southern white law enforcement. It’s not Mayberry RFD and Andy Taylor if you are black or brown.

I learned about The Banker from a friend of mine as well. There is a real estate angle which grabs my attention. It also shows the heartbreaking racism of the times.

• May 5, 2020 – The Ahmaud Arbery shooting video is released ( over 2 months after the event happened). I watch the video and am horrified that something like this can happen in this day and time. This shakes me to the core and launches a veracious quest that would not slow down for 4 years. In fact, this burns in my heart still.

“Ahmaud Arbery’s shooting video yanked me off my cliff of complacency and thrust me into the newbie level of the racial justice fight. 2020 was a noisy blur in many ways and that only got worse going into the fall with the presidential election. Some things became crystal clear. Like many white people, I was so caught up in my own stuff that I could not even see that my black brothers and sisters were in deep pain. I need to own that. There are two Americas… at least two. This journal of lament is an ongoing work in progress. It is not finished and it is not polished. It is just my journey.”

By this time, I have watched both The Banker and Just Mercy. I am already outraged and grieved over Walter McMillian’s treatment in Just Mercy by law enforcement and the unfathomable racism by the Sheriff who arrested him. One suggested motive for his arrest = a black man was sexually involved with a white woman. Walter (the black man) needed to be taught a lesson. This feels like how the mob works when one group wants to “send a message”. Well, history just repeated itself with the shooting of Ahmaud Arbery. Tragic. Heartbreaking. Men taking justice into their own hands and playing by their own rules. They made up narrative about who he was, what he was doing and the fact that he “did not belong” in the area.

• May, 2020 – I start expanding my Instagram feed to burst the white bubble I live in. Accounts like @andcampaign, @justingibony, @blackcoffeewithwhitefriends, @richvillodas, @bethebridge. @Shaunking has been one that is informative yet tough to follow. @loswhit became a trusted, tender voice in this journey.

• May 8, 2020 – A “Run for Ahmaud” event is organized. Social Media is heating up over Ahmaud’s murder. I am diversifying my feed on Instagram by following several new people. The outrage is widespread and crossing all racial lines. Thank God!! I am so out of shape I can’t run – but I can walk. So I do.

• May 25, 2020 – Police in Minneapolis, MN arrest a man named George Floyd for allegedly trying to pass a counterfeit $20 bill. Eventually four officers continue to subdue George even after he is handcuffed and lying on the pavement. The officer on the right presses his knee down on George Floyd’s neck as George repeatedly begs for help. “I can’t breathe”. Once this hits the news, I watch the grueling 9 minute video and can’t shake the stone cold stare of the police officer with his knee on George Floyd’s neck. It seems like the officers are determined to prove a point here and it goes too far (not unlike Eric Garner).

• May 28, 2020 – Came across this book and began to enter in. Best-selling author Jewell Parker Rhodes said her plot draws heavily on the real-life killing of Tamir Rice in 2014. Also pick up Austin Channing Brown’s book.

• June 5, 2020 – Beginning to seriously wrestle with my silence…

• June 7, 2020 – A friend of mine mentioned James Baldwin as a great thinker, speaker and author. He was right!

• June 19, 2020 – OneRace March in Atlanta. I am not familiar with OneRace but hear about the march through some good friends and join them for the march. Very emotional time and march from Centennial Park to the Georgia State Capitol building. This also begins my education on Juneteenth and the significance of this date

• July 19, 2020 – A Zoom Group starts with people at our church to discuss Jemar Tisby’s book “Color of Compromise” on Sunday afternoons. Tracy and I have watched this video series and loved the engagement on our calls.

• August 22, 2020 – Just watched this one. My hometown shows up – again.

• Oct 4, 2020 – Season 2 of The Gospel Coalition’s “As in Heaven” podcast begins. I can’t even remember how I found out about this but I am hanging on every episode. I am so grateful that my 6:00 am morning walks are making space for listening to these podcast episodes. Thank God that someone in my denomination is able to engage in this conversation on some level!!!! I hear whispers that the Gospel Coalition has gone “liberal” though by tackling this… White Christian Nationalism is beginning to rear its ugly head. What the heck? Can we not demonstrate even an ounce of contrition?

• Oct 14, 2020 – I began this course through OneRace to wrestle with the issues in a diverse group of people.

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2021

• Feb 6, 2021 – Just watched this one. So many nuances ooze out of this one; it touches all the bases. Tough to watch as a parent!

• May 2021

My wife and I transitioned to new church family after 22 years in our old church. The name of the old church doesn’t really matter because based on the testimonies I am hearing these days, it could have been any church. Everything was fine for years and then it wasn’t. Something changed. Maybe it was us. The Holy Spirit must have been at work. Out of the blue we felt burdened by a local mission field right under our nose.

• June 2021

• July 2021 – I listened to this one again – this time all the way through. Ever wonder why some cities have significant concentrations of African Americans? Railroad lines connected them to the South. Freed slaves and their family members were trying to escape the harsh Jim Crow treatment they received in the Southern states. It resulted in what was called the Great Migration.

• August 2021 – As a Real Estate Agent, the hangover from redlining and inability of non-white’s to be able to obtain loans lingers on today. This book describes in detail how our government “socially engineered” and forced segregated housing. Just listen for the actual laws and consider that possibility that much of this is true. We see evidence if it everywhere. There is an FAQ at the end.